There are a lot of different types of secrets in the world, but the worst kinds are those that are held to protect the feelings, emotions and hearts of the people we love. It’s painful to witness the growing relationship of close friends begin to spiral downward but it’s worse when you discover that one is cheating on the other. The difficulty of the situation tends to be compounded by the fact that you’re likely friends with both people involved.
So how do you tell your friend that they have a cheating spouse?
There’s a lot of fear and worry that comes along with this. When this kind of information lands in your lap you’re likely to cycle through a lot of different questions while mulling over the staggering situation without losing your own head in the dizzying spin:
- Will my friend believe me?
- Will he/she get angry with me?
- What about the one who is cheating, will he/she get angry with me?
- Should I try to talk some sense into the friend that’s cheating?
- Should I just leave it alone since it’s not my business?
- Can I trust the cheating friend with anything anymore
- Am I certain that he/she is really cheating? What if I’m wrong – I don’t want to wreck their home
- What if I lose my friendship with both of them if I say something?
- What if I do nothing and then they find out later that I knew?
- What will my other friends/family think of me if I get involved?
Yeah, that’s a long list and the questions can just continue on from there. Letting a friend know that they have a cheating spouse is choppy waters to say the least. It’s more like white rapids with a good chance of getting dumped out of the boat.
How do you tell someone you care about then that they are married to a cheating spouse?
The common theme in the questions above, if you look closely, is how talking about the issue will reflect back on the person reporting on the activity. No matter how you personally get involved (or choose not to) it’s still on you. The only true way to avoid getting caught in the middle – where’s there’s a chance someone will try to kill the messenger – is to send an anonymous message or anonymous letter with information pertaining to the cheating spouse.
If you don’t want to blow the whistle directly to the victim, you can also use an anonymous messaging service to let the cheater know that someone else knows – that they hurting their spouse and the other people who care about them.
Sometimes all it takes is the right words to let someone else know that people are watching out for them, that people care. That can be enough to correct the problem.
The worst thing anyone can choose to do is nothing at all. Edmund Burke said it best when he stated “All that is necessary for Evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing”.