A couple of years ago I was single and content to be unattached. I was with a group of associates waiting for a couple more people to come for our meeting. The pub door blew open and strong rays of sun poured through the door, enveloping someone. Through this sunshine cloak I began to make out a person. The door shut and there stood a man in a dark long wool coat, sunglasses. His long blond hair flowed around a handsome face and deep blue eyes. He took my breath away. Till then, someone who looked like he walked out of an MTV rock video was not my type. I preferred nerds. But there was something immediate and all-encompassing about him. Maybe it was that he was a rock guitarist with all the charm and inoxication that accompanien musicians.
I was more shocked when he walked to the table and said hello. He was part of our group, someone I'd never met. There was so much chemistry between us and I immediately felt like we should be together, or already were. Long story short we dated and it was amazing. We split up. He came back. We split up. It's been well over a year since then and yet there is still the pull, the draw on my end, even though we're not together. He's back with his long time girlfriend and that's probably where he belongs. But what is it about some people that make us throw caution to the wind, who root themselves so deeply in our hearts that even after other long-term relationships come and go, we're still frozen in their memory? We keep poems or pictures hidden in a book or a drawer and every so often glance at them and remember …
My ex husband often talked about an Italian girl he dated back in college. He was in Florence for the summer and Marielle stole his heart. I argued it was the unrequited aspect of her that mesmerized him. Maybe it was or perhaps she was in his "one that got away."
This quote says it all. "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Judy Garland. Another good one is "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." – Aristotle
When I was young, those were the love quotes we believed. But as I grew older, new studies were done. Now we're provided to be separate, stand on our own, support ourselves, be with equal partners. My happiness should not come from him and vice versa. I guess I'm confused then what love is supposed to be if not connection and relationship, trust and a sense of completion. Companionship?
Shel Silverstein wrote a great book called The Missing Piece. It's about a circle missing a wedge and he's trying to find someone to make that fit so he's complete. In the end, instead of finding a partially formed (aka unhealthy) mate, he ends up with another circle and they roll away side by side. But so much of me still thinks there should be a click, a sense of knowing when the right person shows up. A feeling of needing them, even if it's just for companionship. There's the big quote in Jerry McGuire. "You complete me." But now that thinking is shunned. We're supposed to enter the relationship already complete.
I've had the I-can't-breathe-or-eat-or-function-I'm-so-in-love relationships (see above) and the ones that were comfortable and easy (till they were not – Recent breakup) and others in between. So who is "the one," the elusive man we meet to meet and marry, the one that got away? Is it the person who sweeps us off our feet, with what we seem to share a soul? Or is that just obsession? A crush gone full throttle? Is "the one" merely the person we end up staying with, the one you do not break up with and so he wins by default? Hard to say.
I'd like to love someone so much that I do feel I need him, that he completes me, so that when it's over it's not just business as usual the next day, packing boxes and going to work like it's no bigger a deal than Ordering the wrong dinner.